1. Bullet Proof' vests aren't.
2. The bigger they are, the harder they fall. They also
punch, kick and choke harder too.
3. The speed at which you respond to a fight call is inversely
proportional to how long you've been a cop.
4. Tear gas works on cops too, and regardless of wind direction,
will always blow back in your face.
5. High speed chases will always proceed from an area of light
traffic to an area of extremely heavy traffic.
6. If you know someone who tortures animals and wets the bed,
he is either a serial killer or he works for Internal Affairs.
7. Placing a gun back in a shoulder holster with your finger
on the trigger will cause you to walk with a limp.
8. Flash hiders don't really.
9. If you have 'cleared' all the rooms and met no resistance,
you and your entry team have probably kicked in the door of
the wrong house.
10.If a cop swings a baton in a fight, he will hit other cops
more often than he will hit the bad guys he swings at.
11.Domestic arguments will always migrate from an area of few
available weapons (living room), to an area with many
available weapons (kitchen).
12.If you have just punched out a handcuffed prisoner for
spitting at you, you are about to become a star on
'Eyewitness News'.
13.Bullets work on veteran cops too. They also work on weight
lifters, martial arts experts, department marksmen, Vice
cops, S.W.A.T. jocks, and others who consider themselves
immortal.
14.When a civilian sees a blue light approaching at a high
rate of speed, he will always pull into the lane the cop
needs to use.
15.If you drive your patrol car to the geometric center of
the Gobi Desert, within five minutes some dumb civilian
will pull along side you and ask for directions.
16.You can never drive slow enough to please the citizens who
don't need a cop, and you can never drive fast enough to
please the ones who do.
17.Any suspect with a rifle is a better shot than any cop with
a pistol.
18.From behind you, the bad guys can see your night sights as
well as you can.
19.On any call, there will always be more 'bad guys' than
there are good guys, and the farther away your back-up,
the more there will be.
20.The longer you've been a cop, the shorter your flashlight
and your temper gets.
21.Whatever you are about to do, if there is a good chance
it will get you killed, you probably shouldn't do it.
22.You should never do a shotgun search of a dark warehouse
with a cop whose nickname is "Boomer".
23.The better you do your job, the more likely you are to be
shot, injured, complained on, sued, investigated, or
subpoenaed on your day off.
24.If a large group of drunk bikers is "holed-up" in a house,
the Department will send one officer in a beat car. If
there is one biker "holed-up" in a house, they will send
the entire S.W.A.T. Team.
